Too familiar.

I've felt this way before,
so i know where this is going.
I've lived this way before,
It left me sad and lonely.
I told you this,
You edged me on.
A feeling of bliss
that you let soar.
You waited till i was at my highest.
And then threw me down.
Down into the pits of your irrelevant fury.
Sentenced to death by a paranoid jury
of your fears.
Good intensions, Bad decisions.
Awkward moments, Weird Positions.

I hate you.

Maybe so?

    He kissed the balls of her feet, then she felt his tongue go slowly up her naked body, licking her legs,placing tiny kisses on her bum and the arch in her back, leaving behind a little damp trail.. still he went on. She giggled, he couldn't possibly be licking her right now could he? She tried to imagine what she tasted like, probably like the mango body butter she had lathered on her skin earlier today and a little bit of sweat, it had been a hot day. He had worked his way up to the nape of her neck, he paused, then took a deep breath..
'Paco Rabanne?' he asked,
'yeah, how'd you know?'...
'My sister bathes herself in the stuff'. Silence.
      She could hear the tick tock rhythm of a clock somewhere, she wondered what time it was, and whether the others even noticed she was gone.
She shouldn't be here, that much was certain and if the others ever found out...No. They were never going to find out, this was a one time thing, no strings attached, an experiment. What could go wrong? She was only gonna be young once right? right? Deep down, she knew this would change everything.
Fuck morality.

Murphy's Law

Life has a funny way of repeating itself. 

Only it's not so funny when it happens to you. 

Why don't the good times ever come back?

Why the pain and struggle. 

How can i spend all this time and effort only to end up exactly where i started?

Fuck this. 

Carrier Pidgeons

Please leave a message after the tone
*beep*

Um... Babe? Not sure if I can call you that... *deep breath* Hey!
... Got a lot on my mind lately... What's going on? You good? .. *mutters* this is stupid..
I'm going straight to the point then..See the thing is... We fucked up, yeah.. WE. Not you, not me, WE. I figure we owe it to ourselves to set things straight....*sigh*  Don't get me wrong, I don't want things to go back to the way they were.. But I just... I'm not even sure what I'm saying right now... *silence* ....... But the way I see things, we need to talk, face to face... Fuck all these awkward texts and calls...  No mind games, no bullshit... Just honesty.... It's cool if you don't wanna talk though..um... Don't mean to be rude but.... See... I don't need you in my life..... But I want you there  ... So if you're cool ... Hit me up, let's see what we can do.. And if you're not... Cool still.. It is what it is.. So yeah... Safe.


*Call Ended*

You know what I've done but not what I've been through... Feel free to judge me anyways :)

I used to be afraid of getting judged!
But people are gonna judge anyways.. it's human nature.
'I don't really give a fuck.. and my excuse is that i'm young' - Drake
need i say more?
This is a poem i wrote last february... a couple of days to valentine's day and inspired by real events. I sometimes re-read this and smile.

Is It Just Me??

You’re with her

I’m with him

Is it just me?

Or do we keep staring at each other?

Did I just smile at you?

Did you just wink at me?

Or is it just me again?

I felt a jolt

When we shook

You kissed my hand

My Legs went weak

That was definitely just me!!

I Love your eyes

You love my lips

And all that flirting

It certainly wasn’t just me.

And that Kiss

My God

That Kiss

For sure, that was both of us!!

But I still have him

You still have her

And we have each other

In the Shadows

For Now…..

And Someday…..

Maybe someday…..

Nah... That’s just me again!!

Freedom?

I'm freeeeeeeee!!!!! lol

or atleast i have a semblance of freedom that i haven't felt in over a year.

For far too long i've let my happiness reside in the hands of other people.. letting them pull and push me, bending over backwards and hurting myself all this while for what?? i honestly don't know the answer to the question, looking back, i feel like going back in time and kicking some sense into myself. What the actual fuck was i thinking? Whatever..... those are things of the past now. Ever since i realized how stupid i'd been, my life has gotten a whole lot better, i had a whole lot bottled in me that i recently let out. 

      I woke up and decided to approach everyone that was causing me some sort of stress and let out my issues with him/her. What took me so long? I'm not even going to lie, it felt so GOOD! I said what i had to say, watched them squirm and lie, calmly combatted their lies and got to the bottom of everything, resolved the stuff that needed resolving, aired the dirty laundry and removed a lot of idiots in my life. 

I feel so empowered! i feel like going on t.v. and announcing just how happy i am!

Maybe now i'm not so distracted, i can give myself another shot at writing.. hopefully it's still in me somewhere. My expectations for the next couple of months are super high!!

Heres to a not so bummer summer.... filled with fun, laughter and lowkey love ;)

(oh... and i got my belly pierced! there are 5 more piercings i wanna get by the end of the year!)

The Games We Play

My feet hurt. It was dark, stuffy and way too loud. Tefa was a few feet away, some guy was chatting her up and from the looks of it, it was going pretty well. I was on the floor, my back on the wall, typing smiling into my blackberry. To everyone else, I was probably having a good convo with someone, possibly a guy. But he wasn't everyone else.
'HE' was right across the room,tall and oh so beautiful, staring at me and waiting for my head to rise up. And I was blushing into my phone because I had nowhere else to look.
We'd played this eye contact game for weeks. I didn't know his name but I was pretty sure he knew mine, and every time we met, I felt chemistry so shocking I'm sure he must have felt it too. 

I finally rose my head up, he smiled. He had a cute smile. I began to think of all the unmentionable things I'd do to him behind closed doors.
He took a few steps towards me, then stopped. He was shy, I hate shyness in guys, but it only seemed to increase his appeal. He took a couple more steps
'Nessa!!!' 
My friend lola jumped right in front of me, cutting of my view. I smiled weakly and tried not to let my annoyance show. 
'Hey', I turned my face up to her, but my eyes lingered on his face for a few seconds. She glanced back to see what I was looking at and saw him. A brief look of understanding passed through her face. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards us.
'Jim, this my friend Vanessa'
'Nessa, this is my friend Jim'
We smiled at each other.
'Excuse me', lola said, 'I'll be right back'.
She ran off to hug someone else, leaving us in noisy silence.
He slid down to the floor next to me. 'Nessa.....' I liked the way my name rolled off his tongue. He took my hands and began playing with them, and for the next 30 minutes, I watched him flex my fingers, clap my hands and mold them with his. The silence prevailed but it was a comfortable one, no words needed to be spoken.
He stood up, took my hands and led me to the dance-floor. I don't dance, but for him, I'd be flipping Beyonce if he wanted. 


          (This actually happened :| All names except mine where changed ... To be continued... Bleh!)